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Movie Reviews by Joe Piccirillo
Season of the Witch -- 1 out of 7 Golden Slacks
Synopsis(from IMDB.com): Crusader Behmen (Cage) and his comrade-in-arms Felson (Perlman) return from years of battle to find their homeland decimated by the Plague. To appease members of the church, the duo agree to transport an accused witch (Foy) to a remote abbey, where monks hope that a ritual will end the pestilence.
Joe's Take: This movie is amazing; it contains nothing people want to watch. It has plague, witches, and Nicholas Cage. The only way it could be worse is if it featured a cameo by the cast of Little Fockers. Here's the breakdown: The guys fight over the love of the witch (who is not so evil after all!). Then, they make up and realize that the plague is probably more important than love. Then, they all go see James Brooks' laughfest How Do You Know? End credits.
Unexpected Scene: In order to attract more viewers, two minutes into the film, Cage's character has a vision of the future -- it's the movie Avatar, which is then shown in its entirety.
Yogi Bear -- -19990 out of 7 Golden Slacks
Synopsis (from IMDB.com): A documentary filmmaker (Faris) travels to Jellystone Park to shoot a project and soon crosses paths with Yogi Bear (voice of Aykroyd) and his sidekick Boo-Boo (voice of Timberlake).
Joe's Take: People talk of the future with hope in their voice, thoughts, and heart. A time when they will be happier, fitter, better educated or better adjusted. No one, however, has ever grabbed their loved one during a sleepless night, looked deep into their eyes and confessed that they wanted a future in which animated bears crack wise about farts. Except for my Dad. This is the movie I want to play in a loop at my funeral/execution so that observers and waitresses will wish they could trade places with me.
Unexpected Scene: A family tries to take a photo with Yogi, and the flash from the camera sends him into a rage. He mauls the family and is shot dead. Boo Boo gets caught in a bear trap and has to gnaw his own foot off to survive. Plus, a new song When You Steal My Picnic Basket, You Steal My Heart by Justin Bieber!