Have you ever used a public bench and thought to yourself: "This is too comfortable." If so, then you should move to Philadelphia. At SEPTA stations you'll find a bench specifically designed by the people at Veyko to be "resistant to damage and vandalism." Below is a sample of the bench.
Apparently the strategy for reducing vandalism and damage is to make a bench so uncomfortable, no one will actually use it. Unfortunately, the city has contracted Veyko to give other public mainstays their "vandalism-proof" treatment. I have a list of the proposed changes. Take a look.
Costly institution: Public Park
Veyko Solution: Install Nooses.
Costly Institution: Public Drinking Fountain
Veyko Solution: Random boxing gloves to the groin.
Costly Institution: Public Pay Phone
Veyko Solution: Phone automatically dials Meryl Streep who talks about the craft of acting in between songs from the hit musical and motion picture Mamma Mia!
Costly Institution: Public Fire Department
Veyko Solution: Replace fire crew with the cast of Tyler Perry's House of Payne. Even if people have legitimate fires, they will be hesitant to invite the clan into their homes.
Costly Institution: NPR
Veyko Solution: None. It's too important to tear down.
Just kidding. The House of Representatives came up with the real solution: they voted to kill its federal funding. Thanks anyway, Veyko.